


space between

by nbsherlock



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heartbeats, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, M/M, Touching, spoilers for e66
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 10:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11355714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nbsherlock/pseuds/nbsherlock
Summary: it has to be enough.





	space between

**Author's Note:**

> i needed to write something so this is what i wrote. takes place between lup leaving and the end of the ep. also a bit of what i expect the finale will be like. can be read as gen or slash but it's mostly gen. title from space between by sia i guess. wasnt really thinking of the song but when i chose the title i was. 
> 
> **spoilers for e66**

"do you regret it?"

taako looks up. magnus looks back.

"not giving lucretia's idea a chance," magnus clarifies. he looks weary, tired.

taako smiles, a weak thing that shakes as it tries to take form. "i don't think about it anymore." he looks at his hands. if he focuses hard enough, he can pretend he's her, that he was the one who left and that she's still here. "there's too much regret to focus on one thing."

taako can feel magnus breathing. he wants to press his ear to his chest and hear the sound there. in the days after, there was never anything to hear in lup's chest; dead and alive all at once. magnus is only alive, whole, human. taako wants to hear it, so badly.

"do you want to..." magnus swallows, "talk about it?"

it. which it? how he let his sister die for the sake of a plan they didn't know would work? how he sided with her blindly without even thinking it through? how he lost her even still? he is alone, even still.

"no."

magnus reaches through the space between them and touches taako's hand. he's warm. they don't talk much. they don't touch, ever.

"am i so," taako feels tears well up in his eyes, "so _fucking obvious_?"

magnus looks at him. "what do you mean?"

"it's just... obvious that i'm falling apart? that i regret every single thing i've done?" his voice takes on a desperate tone, "all i ever wanted to do was keep her happy, magnus. that's _all i ever wanted to do_."

he lets the tears fall openly now, magnus's hand gripping his. "she was in love and i loved," he chokes out the words, "how in love she was. she thanked me. she _thanked_ me."

taako digs his nails into magnus's skin. "how could she do that? how could she thank me when i couldn't even keep her safe, not for a fucking minute."

magnus smooths a thumb over taako's hand, takes deep rhythmic breaths that draw taako in, an addictive tempo. "you didn't make her decisions for her," he says, softly, under his breath. "you're two different people, taako. even if you look alike, even if you grew up together."

taako closes his eyes against the stinging and the aching and the angry remarks he wants to make, the furious retorts that he can only just barely keep back. lup let herself go for the sake of others. she said 'back soon' and taako, for the life of him, cannot bring himself to believe she didn't mean it.

taako can do nothing more than the same. keep his eyes soft when he looks at barry, be sorry when he speaks to lucretia, stay positive when he's with davenport and merle. be kind to magnus. always, always, be kind to magnus.

hand back the soft demeanor with a thank you, give his own love, his own appreciation. touch back.

taako wraps a trembling arm around magnus and presses his ear to his chest. there, finally, he can breathe. he hears the steady thump of magnus's heart. proof of life where everything has been slowly decaying.

he wraps a hand around magnus's arm and coaxes him into a soft embrace.

magnus murmurs something so soft it barely makes sense, but it holds the magnitude of an apocalypse. "all we can do now is love, taako," his heart beats, keeps him alive, keeps him who he is, "and hope that someday that will be enough."

\--

the hunger strikes in waves that feel heavy and sickening, like tar moving around your ankles. a river meant to hold you down.

everything is so clear now. empty spaces that never got filled even as he tried and tried. movements that felt like memories. the smile on lucretia's face, brighter than one or three suns.

the steady beat of magnus's heart. something taako notices in passing, in downtime. how it fills his head and his body and keeps him grounded. keeps him safe.

they stand together. taako wraps his fingers tight around the umbra staff and feels her love pulse through him. like the waves the hunger brings. like the beat of magnus's heart.

love has to be enough, today. it has to.

this is it.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks uhh. id like to thank griffin mcelroy for thoroughly breaking me. im @margaritaville on tumblr. comments and kudos are uhhh cool


End file.
